Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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