Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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