you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize