bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
