The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize