why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
