If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
