spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
