Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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