I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
