yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
