I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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