Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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