I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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