im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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