she was so not down for the gang bang
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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