have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
