apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize