Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
