Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
