Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
