FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
