Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I will die if light touches me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
