I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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