OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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