Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
