Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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