my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
