Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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