you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
