she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
