dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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