who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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