it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize