HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
