you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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