I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
