6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
