what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
