i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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