I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize