Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
