Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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