Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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