No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
