OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
