Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?

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(808): View more from Hawaii

It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.

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(925): View more from California

My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive

(510): View more from California

wats the point then?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face

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(416): View more from Ontario

Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.

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(512): View more from Texas

I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.

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