How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
