Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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