I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
