I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
