the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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