I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize