we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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