and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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