you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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