Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Come share oat with me in your robe
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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