wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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