do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize