OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
