i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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