I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
