They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize