just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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