Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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