Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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