Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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