Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
