Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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