Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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