P.S. I can't hear my feet
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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