She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
