He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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