ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
