She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
