what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
