I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
