I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She said her name was "party"
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
