My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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