In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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