the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i permit you to call me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize