oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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