I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
