I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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