my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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