tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
