I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
