Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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