Banned from zoo.
Again?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
