just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
