The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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