u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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