I didn't shave. On purpose
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
