I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
