I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
