NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
