they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
