He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
