At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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