Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
