took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
