I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Congratulations! We have a period
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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