you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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