I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
