Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
