my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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