He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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