everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize