why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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