1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
