k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
