Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
